LETTERS OF ENCOURAGEMENT - In the Spirit

25.7.93

Lord,
I am supposed to commit everything
to You.

I don’t know
what to do.
My head aches.
I am confused.

I am torn between so many Worlds.
I see so many people.
Everyone thinks differently.
Everyone gives their own advice.
Everyone has different expectations
of how you should live your life,
or what you should even think!

I feel I have no real direction.
Yes, there is YOUR WORD.

But the people surrounding me
are closing in.
Problems, anxieties, fears, anger.

Where has all the True Love gone?
Why isn’t life clear cut?

We don’t follow the rules You give us.
We all have variations and exceptions
to each rule.

We bend, contort and manipulate
everything to suit ourselves.

I need Your Guidance now.
I need You to show me the Way.
How I must live my life.
Where I am to go.
What I am to do.

I am confused.
I feel like a Person lost
In a large, babbling crowd.
The noise is hurting my ears.
I feel as if I have been drowned out.
I don’t even know what to think
anymore.

All of a sudden,
My life has become fairly fast-paced.
From hours of solitude
and loneliness –
there are People.
Yes, I laugh and talk
and empathize.
But each Person has two eyes, a Heart
and two hands with ten fingers.
It feels as if they are all grabbing me.
And I am going under, fast.

I have to learn to handle this situation.
I think it is the Devil plaguing me.
Giving me so much to deal with,
all at once,
so that I would be unable to cope,
and fall prey to him.
Then I would be a lost soul again,
and he could retreat victorious.

Lord,
I don’t know what to believe.
I know you are here –
and yet, I still doubt You.
I wonder if this is all a mass
fabrication of my mind.
A churning mental torture.

Now, I have committed this all
to You.
And only You can show me
the Way
that is right
for me.

'IN THE SPIRIT' - to page 4

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