Lord, I ask You,
what is happening to me?

I Believe in You.
That You exist.
Without a doubt,
You are the only Being that gives
this World any sense at all.
You are the vital piece to the puzzle.

You gave me an Earthly Father.
He laid down the discipline in my life.
For many years, there was no other authority
In my life.
But now, he seems smaller than I remember.
Just an average mortal man.
He gave me such good security.
And now, I know, that he has no control
in life after all.

You gave me other mentors.
Teachers, adults. People I respected.
They loomed ahead like giant figures.

I had a husband.
I wanted him to give me
the same steady security that my father did.
He failed. We divorced.

The only other safety net I had,
was my boss and friend.
I returned to the safety of that World.
He died. The net broke. I broke.
I left that job.

I went to a psychiatrist.
He must have all the right answers – at least!
I worked. Many hours. Many years.
Trying to understand why I am the person
I am today.
I had to find the answers for myself.
And I still make discoveries every day!
The realm of the Past and the Present is very vast!
We could all spend our own lifetimes
analyzing ourselves.
Finally, I met a Christian psychologist.
And he had answers.
Not necessarily what I wanted to hear.
He told me about You, Lord.

I wanted something concrete.
Firm. Solid. Tangible.

I wanted an easy-step formula
to happiness, and success, and joy,
and peace, and love.
I wanted it all.

And You are all of these things.
The only hitch was, that you had to believe.
A blind Faith.
And this Faith had to be REAL.
You cannot fake it. Or pretend.
It was, or it wasn’t.

To me, there is no other answer.
It is illogically logical.
I can find no other reason why
I am alive and breathing.
So You must be here.
You must be God, above all living creatures.
The Highest Authority.
The Father of All.

'IN THE SPIRIT' - to page 5