"L O V I N G H I M" - Living in His Presence

5 March, 2010

Holy Spirit,
how I love to be in Your Presence!
There is such a sweetness,
a fullness, and a JOY!

You move in so many different ways
according to the required need
at the time.
Sometimes, You sweep over me
in a warm embrace.....
or a deep sense of contentment
and assurance that everything
is alright even though
the world is doing somersaults!
At times, there is a need
to war in the Spirit Realm
and beat back the plans
of the Enemy.
Whatever Your Mood,
I know that it is Divinely Orchestrated
to be in tune with what is happening
in the Spiritual Realm.

I cannot see or know with my Natural Eyes
what occurs in the Spirit Realm.
And so, I have to trust in You
to lead me along the way!

There is nothing in this world
that is as precious as Your Presence.
What more could I ask for?
A God, who loves me,
wants to spend time with me,
protect me and provide for me.
I marvel that there could be
a God like this!

Holy Spirit,
every day that I live
I want to experience
the Joy of knowing You!
I realise that it will cost me
time and energy.
Every relationship comes with
a price.
It is a personal decision
that I have to make everyday....
to take the time to talk to You,
and to LISTEN when You speak.

I ask You for accuracy,
to interpret dreams and visions,
and to understand what I am to do.
I ask for clarity,
as I want to hear You clearly.
I have no desire for my self
to get in Your Way.
I would rather hear a PURE WORD
from the Living God,
than to be caught up
in my own thoughts, fantasies,
or self-motivated ambitions.

This is the most important key
to living this earthly life -
to KNOW my God and Creator
intimately,
and I can only do that
by living in His Presence
on a daily basis.

I love You, Holy Spirit,
and I am committed
to walking with You every day.
Help me to make the changes needed
so that I can be closer to You.

* * *

9 March, 2010

Good Evening, Holy Spirit.
Once again it is good to be able
to spend time with You.
I need to just snuggle up
next to You and have a chat.
It is like having a loving Daddy,
who is just waiting for His Daughter
to come and spend time with Him.

I can remember going to bed as a child,
and my Dad would come in to tuck me
in for the night.
He would put my sheet over me,
just as I liked it…
perfectly smooth, without a wrinkle.
Then he would nuzzle up to me
with his scratchy chin on my face…
stubble grown during the day.
How I would complain
about that stubble!
My Dad loved me,
and I was too much of a child
to understand that.
I wish that I had appreciated
those moments more.

Now, I have a pleasant memory
of my Dad’s Love for me.

How much we need to appreciate
the people in our lives…
who give us love everyday
in some way!

* * *

9 March, 2010

Holy Spirit,
You gave me a spiritual lesson
last Monday.

When I went to go to work,
the car battery was dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead.

Uncle Doug came to the rescue!
He helped me roll the car
out of the driveway.
He hooked up the battery cables,
and charged up my dead car battery.

Suddenly, my car started.
I revved the engine several times,
and let it run….

Holy Spirit said to me,
“transfer of power”.

God is the Source of Power.
My Uncle’s jeep was like God.
I was like my car with the dead battery.
When God transfers His Power to me,
I can do all the things I could not do before!
I can do the things that Jesus did,
because I have the same power given to me
by the Holy Spirit.

It was such a simple example…
Jesus said to His Disciples,
“I have given you authority to trample
On snakes and scorpions and to overcome
All the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”
(Luke 10:19 NIV)

Holy Spirit,
You want me to understand
that I have the same power,
and to function in authority
that Jesus died on the Cross
to give me…..

Now, I only have to believe….
and know that I can change situations
by speaking into them….
I can cast out demons,
pray for miracles,
see the sick recover,
bring a word of knowledge
or wisdom….
My Father in Heaven
desires that I walk
in the Fullness of His Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit,
help me to be
all that My Father
created me to be.

* * *

12 March, 2010

Holy Spirit,
You know us so completely
that You know what will please us!

I came home from work,
tired and weary.
I saw a bouquet of fresh flowers
beaming at me from
the large, garden pot
on my patio.
They were vivid ,pink,
desert rose flowers.
They were stunningly beautiful.
My heart warmed
as I thought of You
and how You planned
this special surprise
just for me!

Every afternoon that I come home
from work now,
I take a special look at
that plant pot,
to see what blooms
You have brought to me
today.

One morning,
I opened the back door
to let in the dogs.
I looked into
the early sunrise.
It was gorgeous.
There were dark grey
cumulus clouds
over the rooftops.
Highlighting the rim
of each cloud was
a golden pink line,
hinting at the brilliant
sunshine to come.
Amazing pink rays
blushed across the morning sky.
The colour was extravagant.
It was such a wonderway way
that You said "Hello" to me...

I quickly ran inside to get my camera.
I had to capture the moment!

Holy Spirit,
I love the gifts You bring.
Seemingly so simple,
and yet,
the perfect gift
to touch my heart.
I love You.

* * *

24 March, 2010

Holy Spirit,
I have been feeling lonely.
I want to have a significant person
to share my life with.
Sometimes, it is like a dull ache
in my heart....
or an empty hole...
Other people have partners,
and families....
Why has it been so challenging for me?

I turn to You,
to fill the hole in my heart.
I ask You to fill
the longing I feel.
I ask You for Your Grace
to pay the price of lonliness
in this Christian life.

Because I love You,
I put You FIRST
in my decision
regarding a lifelong companion.
I have had a failed marriage before.
I no longer want to choose for myself.
I need to KNOW Your Perfect Will for me.

I can easily make the wrong choice
if I just followed my feelings.
It is so very easy.
"I find more bitter than death
the woman (or man) who is a snare,
whose heart is a trap
and whose hands are chains.
The man (or woman) who pleases God will escape her (or him),
but the sinner she (or he) will ensnare."
(Eccles. 7:26 NIV) Words in parenthesis are added.

These words are so very sobering.
You may long for love, and fall into
the first pair of arms that hold you tenderly,
and caress you with words of endearment.
It is so easy to fall into a trap,
disguised as "love".

So how do we know WHO God would have for us?
We need to ASK Him.
We need to accept His Answer,
even when it is not what we want to hear.
It doesn't matter how cute the guy looks,
or how warm the guy hugs,
or how attracted you may feel towards him.....
God knows the end result.
God knows what challenges will face you,
in the relationship of your own choosing.
Why suffer unnecessary pain and unhappiness
by going your own way?
God loves you. He loves me.
He loves us enough to tell us the Truth,
and to keep us from many pitfalls.

And so, Holy Spirit,
I TRUST in You,
and put my Faith in You.
Help me to walk through
the lonely parts of this Journey.
Fill my heart with Your Love.
I need it.

Yesterday, I could not bear
the ache in my heart.
But I have to wait.

Last night,
I felt so close to You.
I actually felt as though
I was in Your very Heart,
sleeping, in a safe place.
You kept me through the night.
It is Your Faithfulness to me
that I adore.

I know life is not perfect in a marriage.
Challenges abound in every area of life.
When I see unhappy couples,
I am reminded how important it is
to make the right decision
with your lifelong partner.

Holy Spirit,
thank You for listening,
like You always do.

* * *

2 April, 2010

Holy Spirit,
every morning I put my dogs
in the house when I am driving
my car out of the carport.
This is for their safety,
and my peace of mind.
I love my dogs,
and I want them alive and well,

As I close the door,
I let them know that I am "coming back".
It is a reassurance,
that I am not going to keep them
locked up in the house all day.

I remembered that Jesus said
He would be coming back.
And He will!
I understood what Jesus felt.
He loves us so much
that He is coming back
to be re-united with us.
He has our best interests at heart.
It was an easy explanation
of a Biblical Truth.

* * *

Once again, I am staying with Pastors Cheryl, Iwan, and full-time missionary, Alisha.

Their new apartment overlooks the river. It is so very peaceful and tranquil. The sun is hot. Not scorching, just hot! Boys are swimming in the river, running in and out, enjoying their Easter vacation.

Everything is very green and lush - banana trees, overgrown grass, vines running over everything in the unkept areas of land.

Pastor Cheryl has set me up in a wonderful homemade office on her front patio. I get the open air experience, the view of the river, and a fresh breeze now and again.

It is busy around here, so very different from the quiet solitude of my home. A gentleman has arrived to fix the chicken coop. Two carpenters go in and out finishing various wood projects.

Three grandchildren are spending the day with us. Pastor Cheryl peels vegetables on the patio.

Holy Spirit,
show me all that you need too
at this time.

* * *

13 March, 2010

I had a dream last night.
I was in Suriname.
I was in the new place
of Pastors Cheryl and Iwan.
I had brought a gift for them.
It was a brand new potter's wheel!

Pastor Iwan had put it in a corner
of a room with a brand new carpet.
The carpet speaks of luxury,
of a comfortable life.

I told Pastor Iwan
that he could not use
the potter's wheel on
the new carpet,
as the muddy slip would fly out
and dirty the carpet.
So it was to be moved to
another location.

Then, I was in a church service,
waiting for the proceedings to start,
when I awoke.

I thought it significant
that I had brought a potter's wheel.
a potter's wheel is a place of
moulding, shaping and new growth.
The process can be painful,
but necessary.
It is transformational.
It is a place of refinement.
the impurities have to be dealt with
before a vessel can be moulded
on the wheel.

Pastor Cheryl says that
I am bringing new things
into their lives.

* * *

14 March, 2010

Good Morning, Holy Spirit!

It is a lovely cool morning, with a fresh breeze blowing off the river. A gentleman has come today to cut the grass. It looks so much tidier! The banana trees have become more prominent in the backyard.

New chickens have arrived for the chicken coup that was repaired yesterday.

A woman and a child walked by earlier carrying large basins of crockery on their heads. They are going to the river to wash their wares.

The tree by the river seems to be a very popular spot. All day long, people come and go, to this special watering hole. The children love to swim in it, and others go for their daily bath. The river is a very integral part of the life of the Bush Negro community.

Last night, I went to "House Group". I had expected to sit in the patio or living room of someone's home. However, it was kept in the "Kid's Club" of one of the Bush Negro communities.

It was certainly different.
A mindset change from what we are used to
in Barbados.
I wondered how many of my church brethren
would consider this building the "Church".

It is a very large , covered shed.
The wood is unpainted, weathered
and roughly put together.
The wood is slatted for air to circulate.
There are no windows as such.
There is chicken mesh going up the sides.
Wooden benches have been made.
A 1" x 6" piece of wood, placed on
two uprights.
The floor is the hard-packed earth,
undulating in areas.
A large flourescent light
is brought in.
It works on a rechargeable battery.
This is our sole source of light.

A few people gather
for tonight's meeting.
A gentleman comes with his young son.
The son is in his pyjamas,
and sits between his father's legs.
He soon falls asleep.

The worship begins.
The Taki Taki language
is melodic.
The songs sound full
even though there are no
musical instruments.

A small frog hops into the room,
and sits in front of the light.
He, too, has come to worship God
with us!

We continue to worship God,
and then pray for the Paranam community.
I share my thoughts
on what God has been saying to me.
We close with everyone sharing their thoughts
on last Sunday's service.

The sky is set up for rain.
None falls.
There are lightning flashes
streaking across the night sky,
followed by peals of thunder!

Somehow there is enough light
to see where we are walking
through the Bush Negro community.
It has not rained,
and so the path is dry.
It can get very muddy
when it rains.
We weave our way through
a myriad of houses.
We pass a Rasta hangout
where several guys
are relaxing.
There is a red light
and a green light
setting some sort of atmosphere
in the hang out.
It seems to be the Bush Negro version
of a bar or nightclub,.
We continue walking through the track.

We see a van parked on a wider section of road.
It is Pastor Iwan.
He is waiting to pick us up
and take us home.

It has been a very pleasant night
in the company of Believers.
I have enjoyed it.

God is everywhere.
He inhabits the praises
of His People.
It doesn't matter where we meet -
under a tree, on the beach,
in a cow shed,
or in an affluent cathedral...
We are the Church,
seeking to love a Living God.
Hallelujah!

* * *

14 April, 2010

Holy Spirit,
I hope that I have been submitted to You.
I know I am not always in tune with You.
There are days that I do not read
the Word of God,
days that I do not pray as I should.
I need to manage my time better,
and establish right priorities.
I need to get rid of the things
that take my time,
and are not really worth it.

Holy Spirit,
help me to do better.

* * *

17 April, 2010

Holy Spirit,
Good Morning!
It is a very HOT morning!
The sunshine is brilliant,
and the grass beams a bright green.

A lady now walks from the river carrying a basin of crockery on her head. She has just washed them in the river. Around her body she wears the plaid cloth that Bush Negro community loves.

The favourite spot under the large tree by the river is very busy this morning. People washing wares, washing clothes and bathing.

Today there are two fishermen with casting rods, and I saw a speedboat coming near the shore at full throttle.

Apparently, a lot of people
visit this site on a weekend
to relax and chill out.
It is a favourite swimming spot,
and it is free.
There are other swimming areas
but you have to pay,
as there are people who maintain
the area.

I have been totally spoilt
living in Barbados,
with the white coral beaches
and the turquoise, shimmering water.
But in Suriname,
a pleasant swim in brown river water,
and shading under a large tree
is a highlight.

Suriname has its share of bugs.
Every sort of flying insect in the day and night.
I am busy swatting them off
with a washcloth.

A wet washcloth.
Wet from my sweat.
I have had a bath,
but the sweat still beads
over my head,
all over my arms and legs.
My clothes become soaked.

I enjoyed the heavy rains
the last two days,
as the atmosphere was very cool.
It was like air-conditioning.
Awesome!

Holy Spirit,
I have two more days in Suriname.
I pray for Your Grace
to deal with this heat.
I am looking forward
to more rain this afternoon,
just to cool down.
It is selfish of me.
Alisha has just brought out
a fan onto the patio,
so that I can get a breeze.
She is very kind.

Holy Spirit,
I just ask for Grace
to complete this journey.
Thanks.

* * *

17 April, 2010

Holy Spirit,
I have so enjoyed this trip to Suriname.
It has been relaxed,
and not a big high pressure rush.

The last three afternoons,
Alisha and I have been in
the pockets of Bush Negro communities
around Paranam.

We have sloshed through the mud, walked over plank bridges, and along overgrown tracks to distribute some underwear packs to the children who attend the KinderClubs of the Antioche Church.

The houses are made of wood. The wood is weathered and unpainted. Some are very basic, with a mud floor, and very little furniture.

Others have done a bit better.
They have bicycles or motorcycles.
Some have television.
One or two now have washing machines.
This is progress.
This is life getting a bit better for them.

All between the houses are mud and sand. It always seems to be wet as it rains a lot.

Standpipes are a familiar sight. A large table usually is located near the standpipe. This table is used when washing wares or clothes.

There are always a lot of plastic tubs, basins and containers around. Children can be seen bathing under the standpipe, even children that are older.

Nakedness is a very common sight here. Nakedness, because they don't have a lot of clothes. Nakedness, because the less you wear, the less you have to wash.

There was great excitement yesterday when Alisha and I arrived to distribute the underwear packs.

The Kinderclub teacher had gathered her children. They were are clothed, even if it was only underwear.

Alisha said that it was a good day when so many children were wearing clothes.

It felt like a party atmosphere. The kids got their gifts, and posed for photographs.

Such cute kids. Laughing. Smiling. I don't speak the local dialect, Taki-Taki, but Alisha translates.

The children are thrilled. They are saying, "We have underwear! We have underwear!"

Each pack has three underwear, and a novelty item like a necklace and bracelet. "Three underwear will last them a long time", Alisha says.

It tugs at your heart that underwear could be such a big deal. I was planning to do something else next year, like colouring books, or skipping ropes....but I realise that underwear is more important.

A grandmother comes by
in a blue and white plaid wrap.
Her hair is in plaits.
She has come to say "Thank you",
and show her appreciation.

It brings a joy to my heart to do this.... touching the lives of children in need.

Just to see their smiles. Just knowing that they can sleep tonight knowing that Jesus cares so much for them that He would meet their needs.

A mother came to us carrying a baby about six months old. A pretty little girl, with a crown of dark curls. She wanted to give me her baby. The baby's father was no longer around, and she had other children to take care of. I guess she found life pretty hard.

It was sad.
Such a beautiful child
who would grow up rejected
and unwanted.
Parents have choices,
children don't.
Life is not easy or fair
for everyone.

Holy Spirit,
protect that litte girl
and let her know Your Perfect Love
even at an early age.

* * *

15 May, 2010

Holy Spirit,
You are totally awesome
and amazing!
I see Your Hand in my life,
and I am honoured
to know You.

I was due to leave Suriname
early on the morning of 19 April.
I left it to Pastor Iwan
to decide when he was taking me
to the airport,
as he had to get up very early
to take me there.

It was dark when I got up
and had a shower.
I rushed a quick breakfast,
hugged Pastor Cheryl goodbye,
and off we went.....

The roads were clear,
and I felt a bit anxious.
Pastor Iwan seemed to be driving fast.
At least, that is how it seemed to me,
but maybe he was comfortable driving
at that speed, and I was not.
At one point, we had to swerve
to avoid a dog that just stood up
in the road.

When we got to the airport,
the departure hall was empty,
other than a few
Suriname Airways staff
at the counter.

I went up to check in,
only to discover that
Caribbean Airlines
had already closed their check in,
and were boarding the flight
half an hour earlier than
printed on my ticket.
I prayed inside me for some miracle.
None came.

We drove back to Paranam
in silence mostly.
Pastor Iwan was apologetic.
This had never happened to him before
in all the years of taking people
to the airport.
Holy Spirit told me that
he meant well.

I went through a myriad of emotions.
I was annoyed at myself for not insisting
that we leave earlier.
I was upset as I did want to go home.
I had made all these plans in my head
of what I would be doing when,
and even for the following day.

I decided in my mind that
this was a test.
I had to pass this with flying colours.
I needed to have a positive attitude.
The Devil and his demons
would have loved me to ruin
the mission trip with a foul mood
and spoil my relationship
with my host Pastors at the last minute.

I assessed the situation.
There was nothing I could do.
I could only get another flight
and make the most of my day
left in Suriname.

When we went to Paramaribo
in later that morning,
there was a vacant seat the following day,
and it cost US $100.00
to pay the penalty and a change fee.
Well, I couldn't swim home.
And as my mum said,
I could not flap my arms
and fly home either.
It was just disappointing
to waste my money that way.

It ended up being a good day
after all.
Pastor Iwan and I talked a lot
in the van.
We connected in a way
that we hadn't for the entire trip.
It was good, and informative.
I heard his heart on the development
of the children in the Church.
He cancelled his other appointments
and decided to have a rest day.
Later that evening,
he brought out the dominoes,
and we played until it was time
for me to have my shower.
I had fun.
It was a very long time
since I had played dominoes.
Holy Spirit let me leave
on a high.

I arrived in Barbados safely.
I slept the entire flight home.
And then slept even more
when I got home.

I am happy about the trip.
God is working out His Plans.
Sometimes, we want to see things progress
at a faster rate than they do,
but God knows best.
He does not operate on our time.
His Time is perfect.
Hallelujah!

* * *

15 May, 2010

Holy Spirit,
I have been blessed
with a number of dreams
since I arrived home.

In one dream,
I was in another culture.
The people wore flowing robes
like saris, but they were middle Eastern.
They spoke another language,
but I was able to understand them.
Pastor David was there too.

We were in a large house
on a massive piece of land.
The whole family lived there.
I wondered if this family represented
"the family of God".

One lady came up to me.
She said she noticed that
I always sat in the LIGHT....
that I did not like
the shadows or dim light.
She wanted me to pray for her.
I was wishing that God would give me
a Word for her.

Just as we were about to pray,
another lady joined the circle,
and she was praying in tongues.
She was a black woman.
Another culture again.

She began to pray for me,
and the Holy Spirit began
to pour into me.
She said, “You were afraid to come here.”
“Here” meant Suriname.

By this time I was down
on my knees before God.
“Yes”, I replied.

My hosts were surprised
to hear that I had been afraid
to come.
The Holy Spirit kept pouring
into me....

I just kept thinking
if this wealthy family
could just give some of their clothes
to the “poor and needy” children.
I had seen a vision of a girl
about 10 years, in a skirt
with no shirt.

The Holy Spirit was anointing me
with the GRACE TO GIVE
to the poor and needy children.

I woke up.

I sometimes sleep with faith objects
under my pillow.
The objects represented something
I was believing God for.
I did not quite understand
why I had chosen these particular objects.

One was a small, plush heart
that I found on the road
outside the Junior Church building.
It was dusty, and I cleaned it.
Just as God cleans up our lives.
He takes our brokenness and makes us whole.
This heart represented my heart.
My heart can be in no safer place
than in God’s Hands.

I also had a keyring.
It was a decorative key
with a heart on the top of it.
I called this the “key to my heart”.
God knows the key to my heart.

I woke up with my index finger
through the key ring,
and I was clutching the key
in my hand.
It was significant.
The Holy Spirit was revealing to me
the “key to my heart”....
giving to the poor children.
He is anointing me
to GIVE.

What a blessing it is to be able
to give,
to meet the needs of children
in desperate situations,
to share a bit of God’s Love
and care for them.

God’s heart is so full of love
for the people He created.
We cannot even begin
to imagine the depth
of His Love for us.

* * *

19 May, 2010

Holy Spirit,
the Word of God tells us
to cast all our burdens
on Jesus because He cares for us.
Jesus sits at the right hand
of the Father making intercession for us
day and night.

I am up tonight,
and cannot sleep.
I have been praying.
A numberof situations
are on my heart.

One of the most loving,
caring and faithful sisters
in our Church passed away
in the middle of the Wednesday night
Bible Teaching class.
Her name was Patricia.
Of course, it was a shock to us,
but it was a peaceful end
and in the Presence of God.
We all have a Peace about her
being in the Arms of our Heavenly Father.

The funeral service was yesterday.
Everything went very well.
What was touching was at the end
of the service,
the altar workers and the host and hostesses
formed an archway of red carnations
as the final procession was leaving the Church.
It was a beautiful salute to
a wonderful servant of God.

I have been praying...
asking You to comfort those
that mourn.
I know that tonight would be
a hard night for many.
Maybe they are up in the night too.

My cousin, Trevor, is going through
a hard time.
We have not had the greatest relationship
in the last couple of years,
due to personality conflicts.
He has had two brain surgeries
in the last three years.
Now he has just had a knee operation
which is minor next to the other surgeries
he went through, but all these events
are very stressful on him,
and on us at work.

He has just told me he may need
more surgery for his eye.
The doctors have been working
to save his sight.
The whole illness has been
very expensive as well.
Tonight, Holy Spirit,
I am asking You to help in this situation,
to be merciful to him, and to us.
Save his sight. Heal him.
Spare him from all of these surgeries.
I forgive him of all the hurt he has caused me.
Help me in my relationship with him.

My family has been going through
a hard time.
Basically, different family members
were working in the store,
for different reasons it seems,
at the end.
Now that my grandmother has passed away,
they have to divide the assets that my grandparents left.
Holy Spirit,
I am asking You to do this fairly and
as amicably as possible.
There are strong emotions at work
between my aunts, my mum and my uncle.
It is dividing the family.
I have seen this division coming
for a long time.
People need to be free to move on
with their lives,
without other family members judging them,
or resenting them for wanting what is rightfully theirs.
Some are selfish and greedy, wanting for only their family.
Some have borne the brunt of getting nothing or very little
for their years of service, or their investment.
Holy Spirit,
this has to be done fairly.
I ask You to do this for me.
I ask for a Supernatural Grace
to be on my family,
when they gather to discuss
the valuations of the properties
and the business.
I pray that there would be honest
and fair discussion,
and things would be settled more easily
than any of them would imagine.
Let Your Peace reign in over our Family.
I need it too.
We need it.

My brother's business has not been doing
too well lately in this global recession
of the last few years.
The construction business is down
and he has had to lay off workers.
Holy Spirit, he needs finances
to raise his family.
I want You to help him
find some work.

My brother isn't the easiest person either.
He can be very gruff.
He is also involved in a lawsuit
with other family members.
This is stressful too.
Holy Spirit, I ask You
to be the fair Judge
in this matter as well.
And I would really appreciate it
if this could be over quickly.

Holy Spirit,
those are some of the matters
that are on my heart tonight.
Help us, please.
Help me.

* * *

19 June, 2010

Welcome, Holy Spirit,
welcome into my life.
I can say it again and again.
I always want you to feel welcome
in my home, in my workplace,
wherever I am.
What would I do without You?
You are my Sanity.
You are the reason I live.
I look to You for solace,
advice and support.
I look to You to champion
the spiritual and natural battles
that take place.
Life changes constantly around me.
The only constant is You.
You - whose character never changes,
who can never be tempted,
and who always has the best interest
at heart for everyone.

Lately,
it has been pretty rough.
I have just learned that
my Uncle needs heart surgery.

I have had some work done
at the house to make a fire escape
in the bedroom.
I still haven't put back everything
into the bedroom.
So my living room is still untidy.
When will I ever get to the point
of tidy in my life?
It sure takes a lot of effort
to be clean and tidy.

Gracie, my dog, died about 3 weeks ago now.
I don't know why she had to go.
It was so sudden and made no sense.
She and I were really getting on well.
I was getting to know her peculiar little ways.
She was getting to be more and more affectionate.
It was a shock, to find that she had passed away
under my bed.
At least, she liked to sleep under my bed.
It was a place where she felt safe,
and was near to me.
Her hair was like black velvet.
I still cannot believe she is gone.
Tears are coming to my eyes even now.
Who would cry over a dog like this?
But she wasn't just a dog,
she was family.

There is a spot at the base
of the dining room table
that Grace chewed off.
I was really annoyed at her
for doing that.
Now, it is a fond memory.
Whenever I see it,
I am reminded of Gracie.
Now, it is a mark of her being here,
and a memory of love.
Now, I don't even want to fix it.
I just want to remember her by it.

My heart was so heavy that
I felt I could not love another dog again
There was a dullness inside of me.
Holy Spirit, I ask "Why?"
I have not received an answer,
but what does that matter anyway,
it will not bring her back.
The only consolation I have
is knowing that You are a good
and merciful God.
Maybe You spared her an even worse death.
Maybe she could have gotten hit
by a passing car,
or run away and be lost forever!
So in all, I have to believe
You know best.
So heal my hurting heart.
I just want to see her in Heaven
when I get there.

I now have another puppy.
She is named Rose..
She is cream coloured,
and very affectionate,
which is surprising
as she was not over-loved
where she came from.
She ended up being a "rescue" puppy,
but I did not know that at the time.

I got her from a family who lived
in a very poor area.
It was a couple, with four children.
Only the father liked dogs.
The mother and the girls
did not want to even touch them.
The young boy held the puppy
in an offhand way,
like it was a chore.
The back yard was small,
and only rock and mud.
There was not a single blade
of grass on the ground.
The dogs lived in a small kennel
in the corner.
The male dog behaved rather ferociously
in that kennel,
barking and baring his teeth.
The mother dog was more receptive.
The other puppy had wiry, spiky hair.
And little Rose, seemed shy and quiet.
She wanted to come to me but was not sure.
Somehow, I just took to her.
She has a sweet loving little face,
nice doe eyes, and just waiting to be patted.
Her tail was wagging away!
When I lifted her up to me,
and talked to her and patted her,
her tail kept wagging.
She closed her eyes as she enjoyed
being loved up a bit.
Just what I wanted!
A lapdog who likes a lot of affection.

I took her straight to the Vet
to get her first innoculation.
She was five months old,
being born in January, 2010.
They did not know the specific date.

The Vet started to fuss about
the condition of the dog.
I did not think she looked that bad.
He showed me her gums which were pale.
The puppy was aneamic.
She had lots of ticks, more than I thought.
There was an infestation at the bottom
of her ears.
It was quite awful to see.
He treated her ears,
and gave me tick powder to liberally
apply when I went home.
He also gave her worm medicine.
He was glad that I had taken her.

I spent two nights and one afternoon
de-ticking this little dog.
She was only four and a half pounds.
Ticks were hidden away,
especially in her paws.
The second evening she had a bath
with medicated shampoo.

The other horrible thing
was that she had round worms.
Her first stool had these long
white worms.
I had never seen anything like that before.
Her stomach was distended,
and all she wanted to do was eat.
Puppy chow was her last choice.
She wanted something better than that!
She then had diahorrea for several days.
Now she is on anti-biotics,
and seems to have grown in size already!
She is very perky and upbeat,
despite not feeling so well.
She brings a joy to my heart
that I did not think I would ever feel again.

At first, my other dog, Emily Joy,
was very excited about having another dog
in the house.
She had been moping on and off
since Gracie died.
I thought she needed a pal
to spend the day with
while I was at work.
Now, Emily sits in the chair
so the puppy cannot reach her.
She does not want to play,
and just growls at her.
The novelty has worn off,
and she does not like sharp,
puppy teeth!
And they are sharp,
as she bit my toe today!

So Holy Spirit,
it has been a rough
and busy week.
When I woke up this morning,
in my spirit, I sensed the words
from a song come to me....
"....God kept me, so I wouldn't let go".

I was just so glad
to hear Your Voice.
At times,
it can feel as though
You are falling away from hearing God.
Just the busyness of life in general.
I need to go into more focussed Bible Study,
and more time in prayer.
I want to get to that point
where I spend quality time with You
every day.
I want to get into a deeper place
in my relationship with You.
Most of all, I just want to learn
to love You.
I want Your Presence with me
every single day.
I want to hear Your voice.
I want to know the right direction
for me.
I want to make the right decisions.
Help me to cleanse my heart.
It is an on-going process.
Just the same way as I bathe every day,
and wash dishes every day.
Spiritual housecleaning needs to be done.

Help me to love You, Holy Spirit.
Help me to be all that You would have me to be!
Help me to fulfill Purpose in my life!

* * *

19 June, 2010

Holy Spirit,
it feels good to be writing to You again.
I need to do this more often.
I plan to keep this computer
at a "station" at this dining room table
so I can just chat with You more easily.
I do have to write this daily journal
to put on the website.
It is part of my life Purpose.

I feel as though some of the grime
that was on my heart
has washed off,
as I have shared with You.
My heart feels softer, cleaner somehow.

I have to learn to love my family...
learn to love the ones I would rather not...
But something is changing within me.
I feel more compassion.
I want our relationships to work out better,
and I don't need to get so close
that I know all their business.
Only recently, I was thinking
that my family is my "Ninevah".
They are the People God has sent me to,
to minister His Life by my Example.
Why should they every look at me?
I have had so many challenges,
that in their eyes, I am just "weak".
However, I do think that some of that image
has changed, as I have held up
in some difficult times when the "strong" ones
haven't.
My health is a challenge for me,
but I am pressing through.
Jonah did not want to go to Ninevah.
He did not like the People there.
However, he went under God's Direction
and with God's Anointing,
and many were saved!
Some of my family members
are full of unbelief, skepticism
and ridicule towards the Gospel.
Only God can break through
the hardness of their hearts,
and the strongholds in their minds.
Some of my family just want God
to bless everything they do.
Their view of God is not to do His Will,
but to have him wave the Magic Wand of Success
over their lives.
God is not a magician.
He cannot be bought or paid.
He does not obey our commands,
like a genie from a lamp.
It is a very different viewpoint
from mine.
Yes, I do believe that God does bless us
with things that we like.
However, He is not obligated to.
I believe that we are to serve our God.
He has a specific Plan for our lives.
When we learn to hear His Voice,
we can follow His Plan on a daily basis.
A lot of this journey for me,
involves spiritual warfare.
Jesus already won the Eternal Battle
at the Cross.
We already have the Victory through Christ.
But we have to take the stand,
and fight the battle for ourselves
in the Power and Authority of Jesus.
So I need to be able to hear
from the Holy Spirit.
I need to develop my spiritual senses
and knowledge.
I need to be able to discern the attack
of the enemy, so I can circumvent it
before it even comes!

Sometimes, we fight the
Spiritual Battle in our dreams.
It is important to win it
in your dreams.
Then, you only have to walk it out
in the Natural Realm.
If you take a "hit" in your dreams,
then you do have to watch out
in the Natural,
because the enemy will succeed
in hurting you somehow.
It may not be physically,
but it may be emotionally.
I have experienced this before.

I was injected twice by the enemy
in a dream once.
Two suitors came forward in the same week
in my life.
How unreal is that!
Both of them were wrong for me.
However, I did get emotionally involved,
and it did hurt.
God, in His Love,
alerts us to things about to happen
in our life.
It is to help us have the Victory.
The dreams do not always tell you
in exactly what form they will come,
but you have to keep listening
to the Holy Spirit,
so that your foot will not
step into a trap, figuratively speaking.

I need to learn to LISTEN!
Sometimes, I do know,
and hear....
yet I still pursue what is wrong for me.
Why?
Because it is a vulnerable spot
in my heart.
But I sure do need to HEAR and OBEY
when Holy Spirit speaks to me
loud and clear.
I have done this too many times
to keep doing it again.

Holy Spirit,
I just want to appreciate You tonight.
I am glad to have You
in my life.
Totally glad!
Happy Father's Day!

* * *

6 July, 2010

Holy Spirit,
I am so glad that I have You
to talk to.
Sometimes, I just need
to bare my heart.
And the best thing is,
that You give the most Perfect Counsel
anyone can give!

Last night,
I went to Intercession at the Church.
In my heart,
I was making a commitment
to go back on a regular basis.
However, it did not go
in any way that I expected.
It ended up being one of the experienced
Prayer Warriors dominating
the prayer time.
I left in the middle of it.
I was impatient and frustrated.
I thought that it was very insensitive
of this Deacon in the Church.
Intercession should be for
EVERYONE!
Not for the select few.
Fifteen adults and two children
had come for Intercession.
I think everyone should get a chance
to pray no matter what level they are on,
so everyone can grow together.

It was very discouraging.
I did not feel like going back
to Intercession at all after that.
Yet I have been there and had
an extremely good time as well.

I talked to my Pastor about it.
He listened.
He knows he can correct me.
He encouraged me not to give up,
but to continue going.
The Enemy would like it
if I did not go.

This morning, I sense You, Holy Spirit,
leading me to this particular scripture verse -
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way
you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you."
(Psalm 32:8 NIV)

I know that You are still speaking to me.
I have confidence that You will guide me.
And this too, is an encouragement
this morning.

Thank You, Holy Spirit!

* * *

6 July, 2010

Holy Spirit,
these are the Scriptures I saw
this morning.
"Speak up for those who cannot
speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the
poor and needy". (Prov. 31:8,9 NIV)

"She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands
to the needy." (Prov. 31:20 NIV)

First and foremost,
these scriptures remind me of Suriname
and the Bush Negro children there
who need a lot of help.
I know this is a God-given assignment
for me, to help these children.
The Bush Negroes believe that your children
are your wealth,
and they like to have many of them,
even if they cannot clothe or feed them.
Their thinking is that in their old age,
one child will give them rice,
and another will give them
what other items they need.
It is like using their children
to create a retirement fund.
And so the poverty cycle continues.
It is only through education,
and being able to earn more,
will the cycle of poverty be broken.

The last three days
I have had people come to me
to unburden themselves.
All three of them are in
financially challenging situations.
However, at this time,
I am trying to keep my own head
above water.

Monies have been sent to help
continue to build the chicken coop
in Suriname,
where we want to house
a hundred layer chickens
to start a small business
that will bring in needed income.

"Bit by bit we are moving forward.
Bit by bit we are taking ground."
We sang similar words in a song
when I went to Suriname with YWAM
many years ago.
I did not know that song was so prophetic!
I can now see how we are taking ground
bit by bit.

Thank You, Holy Spirit,
for putting up with me.

* * *

8 July, 2010

Liz's father died today.
She went to his home
and found him gone.
It must have been such a shock
to her.
His wife was overseas, and
will be travelling back tomorrow.

Right now, I am at a loss for words.
I feel speechless.
I never imagined that this would happen today.
Life can go in a moment.
It is so strange to think that
one moment you could be living,
and the next, you are not.

It makes you wonder about
your own life.
Am I enjoying my life?
I would not say that.
I am glad that it is a good one.
It is comfortable, and
Barbados is a relatively peaceful place.
I just seem to work a lot.
At work, and at home.
You are just pushing every day
to get things done...
to bring home some money
to pay all the bills,
and to purchase things you need,
and some that you really don't.

I would not say that I am enjoying my life.
No. I am tired a lot.
Sometimes, you just want a chunk
of time to do what you want too.
Sometimes, you wish you had
a nice bank account,
where you could travel to exotic places
or buy anything you could imagine.
I do daydream, like everyone does,
of having a large sum of money
at my disposal.
It is just wanting to "break free"
of the everyday-ness of life.

In times like these,
you search your heart over and over.
People that you love
are the most important.
They are the people,
whether family or friends,
that share your ups and downs in life.
The ones that you can turn to
when you need a shoulder,
and when you need a good laugh!

Death is a reminder of how fragile
life really is.
It is literally a breath away.

I know in God's Eyes,
our contribution to this earthly life
is to do His Will for us.
If we choose to live our own selfish way,
then we will have earned our reward
in this life.
If we choose God's Way, then we will
have His Reward.... to spend Eternity with Him,
in His Presence forever.
A Life with no end, but only Joy!
The ultimate value of our lives
is what we did in obedience to God.

Holy Spirit,
embrace Liz and her family
in Your Love right now.
They need You.

* * *

5 November, 2010

Hi Dad,
Thanks for keeping me.
I just did a whirlwind trip to Miami
to see Mattel's product line for 2011.
I actually had fun
seeing all the new toys for next year.
I felt refreshed, and re-energized
about having a toy shop.
I felt to upgrade different things
so we would look better.

I felt Your Presence when
I woke up early this morning.
On some business trips,
I have not felt Your Presence
as much.
This trip was good.
I felt happy, content.
What more can anyone ask for,
but to experience the Joy of the Lord,
and know that everything in the world
is alright....
just because You are WITH us.

However, coming back home
had a moment of fear.
The plane went through some turbulence.
More than I have experienced at one time before.
It was for several minutes.
The plane bumped around...
up and down, up and down.
My heart was in my mouth as the saying goes.
I was afraid.
I felt very vulnerable.
I had no control over the plane,
or the winds.
I just started to pray.
"Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus......'
What better prayer?
Jesus, the Name of above ALL Names.
The Supreme Authority over Heaven
and Earth.
The ONLY PERSON who could intervene
at that point.
Thoughts ran through my mind.
I did not want to drop thousands of feet
through mid air.
I never did.

This morning I sensed You calling me Home.
I did not know if it was Home in Heaven,
or Home in Barbados.
I did not want to die in an air crash.
So I had fear.
The Scripture verse that came to my mind was
"He keeps in perfect peace, He whose mind is stayed on thee."
Get Ref.

The steward instructed us not to move, to stay put.
No one was moving.
It was a very loud silence,
in that time.
As I reflect on this incident,
I wondered how many of us were praying.
The turbulence got less and less.
Then the plane was flying smoothly again.

At that point, I think most of us wished
we were already at our destination.
We still had an hour or two more to go
in flight.

I know that You kept me.
You are so faithful, loving and kind
towards me.
You are my Daddy.
You keep me safe.
I love to be in Your Arms.

Thanks, Dad.
* * *